26 APR 2004 - Quote from today: "Don't they know there's a war on?" Sometimes, I can't escape the feeling that I'm not doing enough for the world. Few of us are. My usual response (nowadays) is to run some more. It works a bit. Except, same head. When it doesn't even seem worth the run, I redesign my website. Hello.

[ you should see the picture i was originally going to put up. you think this is depressing. ]

26 APR 2004 - And while I'm rambling about shit that I am going to take down in 24 hours, let me just ask, is anyone actually reading this? The logs were locked down last month, and I'm too lazy to check this month. Why don't you contact me using the Azure Ray contact form (because I am too lazy to copy the script or the little popup doodad that will make it less obvious that I am reusing a contact page) and while you're at it, go listen to some of that stuff from the band. Oh, and anyone who does contact me via that little webform can have some of my crap sent to them. Maybe some photos or other things that I've never gotten around to sharing. Or maybe something from my friend Sam Pool (aka mpool). Make sure you include your address as my customer service is a bit slow these days as it is. Maybe if you want to be interesting, include your favorite obssession at the moment. I love obssessions. I love that I've never figured out how to spell obsession. I think that last one's right. Anyway, I am easily obsessed, and while some might say that dilutes my obsessiveness, they don't know just how fucking intense I can be all the time. It's weird, I realize, but that's how it goes. Also creepy people obsessions are strongly discouraged. Yes, we may all have them, but I've got enough in my life already having to care about spies and stuff. Hello, NSA. So, if you just read all that, and you write me, and you share obsessions, you get an extra special star. Go team.

27 APR 2004 - East coast spring means cold, grey rain that runs clean. This I can get behind. Hauling a laptop and loads of books to classes (and back)... not so much. Admittedly, my laptop is small and cute, so I can't blame it for too much. I want a burrito. And, by burrito, I don't mean baby, which if you knew my friend C- is a point that needed to be made. She has the cutest baby on the planet (objectively speaking, of course), and burritos are durn cute, so go Lili, the lil' burrito. Am I beginning to sound like that one musician/electrostar that keeps a journal on that one page? Am I beginning to sound like that one blind item that isn't really a blind item?

29 APR 2004 - This morning, I thought to myself, "I can't wait until I can just study [and not have to worry about name tags or logistics or thank you notes]." It sounded strange coming out of my head. It made me smile. One of my profs.

29 APR 2004 - Fuck my throat hurts. I've been doing a lot of talking lately. Must do more doing.

1 MAY 2004 - 7 hours of sleep is a lot at the moment. I'm hoping to catch up soon, because I can feel the manic coming on. Also, one of my eyes is perpetually itchy and I'm sneezing when I get near flowers. Can you say adult onset allergies? It goes with my slightly susceptible psyche. Time to go to the library. Baker (Business School) is up today.

1 MAY 2004 - Open tracts of land, cheddar blue, new (free) (legal) music... plus a nap followed by some Earl Grey tea... life looks up and smiles. "What's all that for? If I was the battle, baby you have won the war."

1 MAY 2004 - Some links to share... you know iTunes is giving away one free song a day, right? The subservient chicken finds natural language understanding. A new Azure Ray song posted for your downloading pleasure. The Quiet Life has some new shirts that make me smile and inspired (as usual). Also, no link, but I've got art on my refrigerator. Go now.

1 MAY 2004 - I may have shared this sentiment before, but it's worth repeating: Stella Tennant is so f-ing great. I mean, she has style that's way above the usual crap that supermodels get away with because they're skinny. I admit my sister was way ahead of me on this one (by like 5 years at least). Also, Serena Williams needs less Versace... she's starting to look like a cross-dresser (she's generally done so well). Andre Leon Talley, on the other hand, is beyond judgment when he wears what I can only describe as Queen Elizabeth's long-lost robe. This is what you miss when you don't check the pictures from the Costume Institute Party of the Year.

2 MAY 2004 - I got lots of sleep. Actually, I should back up. After yesterday's cheese, nap, etc., I had for dinner rice with a little butter, slighty more than overeasy egg, soy sauce, and Japanese-like seasoning while generally talking with my roommate about life and stuff, went to bed super early, slept later than I have in at least a month, woke with the glow of nice dreams, cut off the quickly approaching headache (caffeine withdrawal from not getting up my usual early), read some, realized just home much most of my disparate life interests are deeply connected (still working on athletics and art), now I'm writing this while listening to "Animal" ("it's calling me to work it out... whoa", "I'm vibrating at the speed of light") and getting ready to work some more on privacy for today's information-heavy, networked businesses. Whoa.

2 MAY 2004 - And then there's the White House Correspondent's Dinner that can't even be worth the time it took someone to convert the pictures into Flash for the WashPost website. The only comment I'll offer is that while I really truly appreciate Laura Bush's librarianness, she really really really should not wear peach. Hi-sterical Hank Stuever of WashPost calls it azalea. Whatever. No. Why the f- am I willing to move back here, again?

3 MAY 2004 - [chance chance chance chance] - Spike Jonze was playing Nintendo in my dreams last night. The humidity's taking some adjusting.

3 MAY 2004 - Well, at least one thing is almost done. The tentative tracklist for the (alt/emo/downtempo) mix I've been working on for 2 years (no title yet):
1. Static Waves (Pacific U.V.)
2. A Skeleton on Display (Now It's Overhead)
3. From a Balance Beam (Bright Eyes)
4. Such Great Heights (Postal Service)
5. The 15th (Fischerspooner)
6. Love Profusion (Madonna)
7. In My Place (Coldplay)
8. Train Wreck (Sarah McLachlan)
9. Beautiful Things Can Come From The Dark (Azure Ray)
10. Hold On To Me (Courtney Love)
11. Blackout Curtain (Now It's Overhead)
12. Animal (R.E.M.)
13. (Nice Dream) (Radiohead)
14. Pink Bullets (The Shins)
15. One Flight Down (Norah Jones)
16. Mike Mills (Air)
17. Shade & Honey (Sparklehorse)
18. Just Like Honey (The Jesus & Mary Chain)

4 MAY 2004 - Usually after I've started into my morning cup of tea, I check e-mail to make sure my immediate network is OK and then I check the news to make sure the world is still there. This morning is bright, cool, dry and spring-like -- all too infrequent here -- and I guess I'm fully prepared that a morning such as this one could bring really crap news about my world. I'll keep going into the day, perhaps with great results, but some small doubt hangs -- the frozen image that will come unfrozen, slow at first, and then all too fast. Take that away. Try back later. Go live in the meanwhile and thereafter.

4 MAY 2004 - Outside is still fucking beautiful. And it smells super good. It should be like this all the time. Would it be so bad?

5 MAY 2004 - From Free Will Astrology, which continues to be the greatest horoscope ever:
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): According to Wordspy.com, the term *pareidolia* (pronounced "payr-eye-DOH-lee-uh") refers to "the erroneous or fanciful perception of a pattern or meaning in something that is actually ambiguous or random." Mainstream astronomers say this is the perfect word to describe what rogue researchers have called the "Face on Mars," an evocative plateau in the Cydonia region of the red planet. It's important to note, however, that not all wonders and marvels are the result of pareidolia. For instance, the personal message you think you discern in a billboard or tortilla this week may *really be* a communication directly from an angel of mercy to you. To distinguish authentic breakthroughs from mere pareidolias, strike a balance between skepticism and open-mindedness. Just because some apparent miracles are frauds doesn't mean they all are.

5 MAY 2004 - Blah blah blah blah.

5 MAY 2004 - Cloud project works. Simply - one cloud picture a day. Take a breather. M-F.

7 MAY 2004 - They can also put Drano in your coffee. Your point?
From NYTimes, 7 MAY: "The F.D.A. is right to be cautious about having a potent drug that can be harmful to women sitting next to candy bars and toothpaste," Ms. Wright said. Broad availability of Plan B would allow people to slip the medicine to women without their knowledge, Ms. Wright said.

9 MAY 2004 - Quotes from Herbert Simon:
_ Our language seems to reflect man's deep distrust of his own products.
_ For when we have explained the wonderful, unmasked the hidden pattern, a new wonder arises at how complexity was woven out of simplicity.
_ Because real-world optimization [choosing the absolute best course of action], with or without computers, is impossible, the real economic actor is in fact a satisficer, a person who accepts 'good enough' alternatives, not because less is preferred to more but because there is no choice.

9 MAY 2004 - This is not your father's New Deal:

Dorothea Lange, Walker Evans, and others give us the Depression (and the bleed over into WW2) in black & white. Less well-known is the color version of the story. The Library of Congress has color slides online, and now Kodachrome pictures (which may as well be Technicolor) are on their way. The NYTimes has previewed a few (left menu bar, part way down the page, titled "Poverty's Palette"). Color changes everything, don't you think?

9 MAY 2004 - From NYTimes: "The makers of slot machines may rely on the lure of life-changing jackpots to attract customers, but the machines' ability to hook so deeply into a player's cerebral cortex derives from one of the more powerful human feedback mechanisms, a phenomenon behavioral scientists call infrequent random reinforcement, or ''intermittent reward.'' Children whose parents consistently shower them with love and attention tend to take that devotion for granted. Those who know they'll never be rewarded by their parents stop trying after a while. But those who are rewarded only intermittently -- in the fashion of a slot machine -- will often pursue positive outcomes with a persistent tenacity.